http://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/you may find mainly stories about work and minis here... BUT if there is something of which i think the world should know my opinion about you'll find it here also... this will happen either in english or german, whatever suits best...en-UKMokoFeed10http://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/http://data5.blog.de/design/preview/0e/73bec686933191966ec433ec5337cc_160x200.jpghttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2006/09/16/r_s_wife_from_russia~1132174/tag:allmythoughts.blog.co.uk,2006-09-16:/2006/09/16/r_s_wife_from_russia~1132174/Sat, 16 Sep 2006 19:01:55 +0200 <p>well...</p> <p>first of all you need to know R.<br>R is a friend of mine who came to Leeds after living about 10 years in California. a job offer at the uni here was good enough to get him away from the ever sunny state of California...</p> <p>i met him at an exhibition opening last year and we became friends as he is coming from germany as i do...<br>don't get me wrong. i am not particularly looking to meet germans while i am in england. it is that i am now long enough in england to feel home here and now i can get in touch with germans again without being reminded on my fatherland in an emotional disturbing way...</p> <p>however...<br>R was struggling with his wife who at the beginning refused to come to england as she organised her life california.<br>originally she is from russia but was living in germany when R met his then future wife.</p> <p>they were not sure of how the whole thing should work and they were even talking about divorce...<br>maybe i should never think of getting married...</p> <p>last week i met R's wife L for the first time as in the meantime they sorted themselves out and are trying how it will work...</p> <p>we met in a pub, R and L were a bit late and we started talking in german and so came to talk about her impressions of england...<br>well...<br>you would expect that she prefers the english system over the american one... you now what i mean... culturewise, social security etc...</p> <p>to my surprise she was telling me that she likes germany most...</p> <p>HELLO????</p> <p>GER-MA-NY???</p> <p>me: "when have you been there the last time?"</p> <p>L: "i was living there in the 1980's..."</p> <p>R (knowing of my feelings for germanys situation): "better don't go there, L..."</p> <p>me: " %%$/&§?'***!!& - believe me! some things changed since then..."</p> <p>does nobody read the news? germany is absolutely on the bottom since years. we had to pay lots of money for our re-unification in 1990 and 10 years later we paid for the currency-union of some parts of europe...<br>bla bla bla...</p> <p>well...<br>to cut a long story short... she did NOT believe me... and we had a rather unlucky discussion that ended after the first pint...</p> <p>don't get me wrong again...<br>we didn't have an argument. it was just disagreement on e-ve-ry little thing... <br>and every point she said had absolutely no substance. i had the counterarguments on absolutely everything she said...</p> <p>until there was just nothing more to say...</p> <p>did i mention that i hate unreflected ignorant people?... that is going to be a tough one...</p> <p>well they are moving into their new house during these weeks and maybe get a bit more relaxed about things once settled in...</p> <p>more news soon...</p> <p>my girlfriend is coming back from holiday tomorrow...<br>i am happy!</p> <p>take care<br>F</p> <p> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2006/09/16/r_s_wife_from_russia~1132174/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>argumentgermanywifehttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2006/09/16/r_s_wife_from_russia~1132174/#commentshttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2006/09/10/how_time_flows~1114342/tag:allmythoughts.blog.co.uk,2006-09-10:/2006/09/10/how_time_flows~1114342/Sun, 10 Sep 2006 21:47:13 +0200 <p>once again i have been away for a while...</p> <p>and again a lot has happened.<br> the main change is the change of the title of my blog.</p> <p>for those who read it from time to time you might have realised that the word "lovesick" is abandoned.</p> <p>guess why...<img src="/img/smilies/icon_wink.gif" alt=";)" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>yes finally there is no reason anymore for me to be lovesick any longer.<br> not that i do not reflect about my emotions anymore or suffer from time to time... but the general mood is more than positive...</p> <p>i hope this time i have a few more chances to write. my life is still very demanding and a few changes took place...</p> <p>1. i got a new job<br> 2. i am not single anymore<br> 3. i am going to move to a new place soon as my current housemate is a psycho<br> 4. i still have my two minis but both need some essential work done<br> 5. my parents came to england this summer for the first time and they brought my son with them<br> 6. recent developments in what i used to call "my home"... germany<br> 7. last but not least my personal development</p> <p>all of these topics i will try to deal with on here and share my thoughts.</p> <p>so if you are interested in one or the other of the above points (sure noone will cover match them all) come back from time to time and leave a comment...</p> <p>hope to see you soon... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2006/09/10/how_time_flows~1114342/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>jobsinglechangehttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2006/09/10/how_time_flows~1114342/#commentshttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2006/03/05/haven_t_been_around_for_a_while~613948/tag:allmythoughts.blog.co.uk,2006-03-05:/2006/03/05/haven_t_been_around_for_a_while~613948/Sun, 05 Mar 2006 10:18:06 +0100 <p>more than three month passed...</p> <p>a LOT has happened...</p> <p>1. i drove back to germany over christmas to visit my little boy who came back from chile after 1.5 years. i also saw his mum again. some might remember that i spent 17 years of my life with P before we split up almost three years ago. despite the attraction that always remained between us this time for the first time i felt that i don't want her back...<br> but talking about my son. i was a little bit in doubt wether we would have a great time as he didn't see me for a quarter of his life. he is 6 years old now...</p> <p>well. there was nothing to worry about. as soon as i rang the doorbell you could hear him running towards the door and after opening the door he jumped at me to hug me and not let loose for the following ten days...<br> it was great.</p> <p>2. i spent new year with my hopeless love T. we even spent the night together sleeping in the same bed. we were even kissing each other during the day, but this relationship seems to be one that never will be a proper one. however we both enjoyed every second of it and had a great few days.</p> <p>the new years party we spent again with all my old mates from university but to be honest we left quite early. it becomes clearer every year that they progressed in their lives in a way that is so far away from me that we hardly have anything in common.</p> <p>for the very first time i received more text messages wishing me a happy new year from england than from germany. and believe it or not. the one who is always complaining about not having his german mates around suddenly started to miss his english friends...</p> <p>3. back in england i finally got the payrise i always expected and my role in the office is better defined now in a way that i and the rest of the team knows my responsibilities.<br> that came especially important as we hired a second qualified architect who has his qualities in other fields so that we shouldn't come across each other in a bad way.</p> <p>4. i moved house for the seventh time since i am in england and hopefully found something longerlasting.<br> i was fed up with living on my own so i got back into a shared house which i share with an artist. he's a very lively blokewhich in turn helps me as well to be a little more outgoing.</p> <p>5. valentine's day...<br> i am still single but i received a valentine's card with the following text:<br> Falk<br> a valentine to tell you<br> my heart<br> belongs to you,<br> and also, i would<br> like to add,<br> my love is all yours, too!</p> <p>happy valentine's<br> ?x</p> <p>haven't got a clue who it is from but i love the gesture it is good to know people think about you</p> <p>6. there is a significant change in my life since last week.<br> i woke up one morning and felt that i didn't need to smoke anymore.<br> there sometimes is the urge of getting some fags from the shop especially in these situations where i was used to light one up...<br> but until now i didn't go to buy fags. in fact i am still going out of the office when i had my fag breaks and just breathe some fresh air while my colleague still smokes his cigarette.</p> <p>i made an appointment with the gym tomorrow to get me a bit more on the right lane after heavy smoking for more than 20 years.<br> it was worrying me a little bit that i couldn't walk uphill anymore and talk at the same time...</p> <p>that definitely has to change...</p> <p>you see... quite a lot happened.<br> but i am still the architect.<br> and love sick<br> and, of course, mini driving...</p> <p>speak to you soon again... <img src="/img/smilies/icon_wink.gif" alt=";)" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2006/03/05/haven_t_been_around_for_a_while~613948/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>architectvalentines-dayofficesmokingnew-yearsonhttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2006/03/05/haven_t_been_around_for_a_while~613948/#commentshttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/11/18/crazy_friday~318594/tag:allmythoughts.blog.co.uk,2005-11-18:/2005/11/18/crazy_friday~318594/Fri, 18 Nov 2005 20:35:56 +0100 <p>friday...</p> <p>YEAHH!!! it's friday...</p> <p>what a day at work. after yesterday's marathon meeting in leicestershire i had to work up everything that my resource (yes! finally i got an technologist to work for me...) was taking in notes on the meeting...<br> managed to do all the necessary phone calls and am really looking forward to see the project progressing...<br> construction starts mid february and it will be finalised by july...<br> my first building on this island... <img src="/img/smilies/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>well... being in the office i saw our new stunner S. again... she was wearing a skirt today and was in the usual good mood (and of course looked gorgeous again)...<br> waited to take my lunch until she took hers. unfortunately she is not talking that much. well... not to me (maybe her parents told her not to talk to strange men...). she can giggle quite a lot if she is with the other giggling girls in the office...</p> <p>one of my colleagues plays in a band and he has a gig next friday. as there are some people of the office going i just asked her to join in as nobody else yet did. she said she will come, but i start believing that when she is actually there on friday...</p> <p>oh yes. things turn out quite well at the moment as J. (one of the interior designers) invited me to join her going to a crafts market exhibition thingie in north yorkshire on sunday.<br> we were talking over the last few weeks and were both complaining about not taking any cultural opportunities because of the lack of partners. she left her boyfriend a few weeks ago as he was more interested in watching telly and drinking beer all the time (which is okay occasionally but not as a natural habit)...</p> <p>so yeah... we're heading towards a new year and i already seem to get a glimpse on what potential that year might have...</p> <p>take care... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/11/18/crazy_friday~318594/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>gigfridayworkhttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/11/18/crazy_friday~318594/#commentshttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/11/17/the_arrival_of_s~316234/tag:allmythoughts.blog.co.uk,2005-11-17:/2005/11/17/the_arrival_of_s~316234/Thu, 17 Nov 2005 21:34:18 +0100 <p>one of our admin girls is going on holiday next week...</p> <p>so the company obviously decided to get a replacement from an agency for these two weeks...<br> our admin girl is also in charge of the coffee machine (one of these posh ones that do latte and cappuccino and all that stuff). as i am probably having as much coffee as the whole rest of the staff together i usually have some nice chats with our admin girl. she is one of thos that i would marry immediately...<br> if she was 20 years younger and wasn't already married... <img src="/img/smilies/icon_wink.gif" alt=";)" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>yesterday S. came into the office to receive her training.<br> WOW...</p> <p>S. is extremely fit... nearly as tall as i am with blonde hair and bright eyes... and a smile that melts stones...<br> i immediately was in a better mood when she entered the office. the company should bring new replacement girls in more frequently... <img src="/img/smilies/icon_wink.gif" alt=";)" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>no chance though that she stays for longer as she just finished university and wants to work as a health researcher (which might make her end up at one of the london unis). currently she lives with her sister at her parents house in wetherby as i found out on the first day...</p> <p>today unfortunately i was at a meeting in leicestershire the whole day...<br> short deviation: my uk coal project (at which's meeting i was today) is running pretty well and two days ago "boss" said in front of all our staff that uk coal is currently the only project in the office that is managed in a way that he would like to see all projects managed... that felt quite good hearing that... <img src="/img/smilies/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" class="middle" border="0"><br> most of our projects are delayed because we have too many of them...<br> to keep the team spirit up i answered "boss" that it's only because uk coal is a very patient client... don't want to make the team feel bad (but a little bit of pride i feel).</p> <p>however. because of the meeting i didn't see a lot of S. today as i had to leave when she came into the office. but she gave me a smile (one of the stone-melting ones) when she saw me...</p> <p>so i have only 11 days left to leave a good impression...<br> i don't really know how to do that but i need to find a way...</p> <p>keep you updated... <img src="/img/smilies/icon_wink.gif" alt=";)" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/11/17/the_arrival_of_s~316234/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>replacementprojectsmileofficehttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/11/17/the_arrival_of_s~316234/#commentshttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/11/13/somewhere_in_between_or_nowhere~303510/tag:allmythoughts.blog.co.uk,2005-11-13:/2005/11/13/somewhere_in_between_or_nowhere~303510/Sun, 13 Nov 2005 02:55:07 +0100 <p>stood away from my blog for some time now...</p> <p>reason?<br> easy!</p> <p>i feel a very deep crisis...<br> after almost two years in england i feel again an emotion i thought i had left behind me.<br> i feel like a tree without roots.</p> <p>bending in the wind of daily life.<br> i feel right now that i don't belong here... trouble is that i feel that i don't belong to germany anymore...</p> <p>i miss the casualty of giving close friends a spontaneous call and meet up for a coffee. i have no friends in england that i know for 20 odd years...</p> <p>we had a great night out in york on friday after work and i had a few quite nice chats with some colleagues. i should be happy... but today everything was "back to normal"...</p> <p>i haven't called any of my friends or family in berlin for ages now... i even let my internet friends down...</p> <p>i don't know where i am staying at the moment. i want to be here so i try to keep my contacts to germany a little bit short to not always being reminded of the language and everything. i still am shocked sometimes realising that i still am lacking loads of english vocabulary...</p> <p>i am not german anymore and not yet english... i am nowhere! am i nobody?</p> <p>i should be happy. receiving good feedback at work and getting the right respect for what i am doing. even making kind of friends with my colleagues...</p> <p>but i am not happy...<br> i just see that there is no one to talk to. and even if there would be one... i have the impression i have only boring stories to tell... it's always about my past because here and now nothing's happening...</p> <p>have the impression everything is meaningless... fuck! i feel completely down... lonely...</p> <p>i see myself drifting into daydreams and loosing quite a lot of energy in all that. there is no productivity in me at the moment. and the grey yorkshire weather doesn't really help...</p> <p>i feel like i lost my identity...<br> dead-end street...<br> where should i end up? what's the "big picture" for me?</p> <p>i need to sort some things out... but i don't really know where to start...</p> <p>will i again end up just sitting and waiting?...<br> don't like the idea...</p> <p>something positive should happen quickly or i'll never get my arse up...</p> <p>how bad is that???</p> <p>would prefer to write about positive things but at the moment there are no such things...</p> <p>shit! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/11/13/somewhere_in_between_or_nowhere~303510/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/11/13/somewhere_in_between_or_nowhere~303510/#commentshttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/11/04/annual_dinner_pt_ii~283660/tag:allmythoughts.blog.co.uk,2005-11-04:/2005/11/04/annual_dinner_pt_ii~283660/Fri, 04 Nov 2005 20:38:12 +0100 <p>well...</p> <p>shouldn't i be at the annual dinner right now you may ask...</p> <p>not really would be the answer.<br> first there was nobody stepping back from their booking (that's bad)<br> second i am suffering from a brutal cold since almost two weeks ago my car broke down (that makes it bearable that noone stepped back...)</p> <p>so i am sitting here while the others (incl. K?) are having a nice night...<br> i am not complaining.<br> the last week was extremely busy in the office. yes. i had to work even if i felt more like staying in bed all the time...<br> we managed to finish one more stage on one of our projects and on monday already i have a big meeting for the next one. but i am looking forward to it as it will start the next stage towards realisation of my very own first build in the UK...<br> yes. there is a little bit of pride in my words...</p> <p>the contact with my colleagues gets better and better.<br> as we are offering architectural services and interior design services we almost have two departments within the office and it is no secret that i am not getting on very well with the team manager of the interior people. she is just that kind of character i can't get on with. even if i would like to...<br> and she is the one that during our last project (the one we finished today) made me look silly in the office by holding back vital information so that we architects couldn't do our job properly...</p> <p>however. my fellow architects realised in the meantime that it was not only my fault that we had some difficulties with that project and the gap between interior design team management and us architects gets bigger and bigger... i should be concerned about that maybe not being well for the office as a whole but i am not... why?</p> <p>easy!<br> first it is not my office and i get underpayed anyway...<br> second (and far more important) we clarify the responsibilities and will stop mixing up architecture and interior design projects. they should do their stuff while we do ours...<br> that way i have the possibility of showing my skills without fussing around with personal issues... anyway. in the long term architectur will become more and more important in the development of our office so that i have to get into a good position...</p> <p>by the way.<br> in germany where i got most of my experiences from there is no such job like an interior designer. there was... but not anymore. why?</p> <p>easy again...<br> prices to hire architects are extremely low over there if you get a job at all... (one of the reasons why i am here...)<br> and architects are that well educated that they can easily cover the job of an interior designer. so why hire an interior designer if you can get an architect (who also is able to provide the shell for the interior) for the same money???<br> that's why interior designers disappeared in germany...<br> and that's the reason why us architects in germany use to look a little bit down onto that profession... in germany to become an interior designer you are either a girl or gay...</p> <p>that easy it is.</p> <p>saw the latest plans for leeds today in the papers. some interesting projects going on there... that means lots of work for the lovesick architect...<br> long live architecture! i ferkin' love that job!!</p> <p>lovesick? aah yes. i remember this other side in me. it might come out over the weekend again. but generally i am not too much concerned at the moment as the workload keeps me pretty busy right now...</p> <p>should never stop with that...</p> <p>but i am sure my time will come.<br> workwise as relationshipwise...</p> <p>enjoy the bonfires... <img src="/img/smilies/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/11/04/annual_dinner_pt_ii~283660/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/11/04/annual_dinner_pt_ii~283660/#commentshttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/10/29/waiting_list~268688/tag:allmythoughts.blog.co.uk,2005-10-29:/2005/10/29/waiting_list~268688/Sat, 29 Oct 2005 10:40:02 +0200 <p>crap!</p> <p>i'm a little bit annoyed.<br> closing date for the annual dinner booking was friday, 28. october... i sent an email to get this confirmed.</p> <p>sent my booking off with the cheque on wednesday (1st class!)... as i heard nothing by yesterday i called C who is organising the event.</p> <p>and what happened? they were overbooked already by wednesday so had to close the booking already on wednesday!!<br> i am now on top of the waiting list.</p> <p>waiting lists suck!<br> today i wanted to get my "black tie event equipment" or at least try it on. what for??? for the chance that someone steps back from his booking?<br> i hate that as you can't really make any plans.</p> <p>and i dislike the idea of getting into one of these stores and tell them that i "might" need the suit for next friday...<br> i can see the scenario already:<br> me in the shop trying the suit. telling them the "i might" thing. as i am not going to pay for "the chance that somebody might step back from his booking" i had to ask the store if they can put the suit beside for me. shopkeeper will tell me that if someone else will come and pay for it than i will be unlucky.<br> during next week i might then get the confirmation that there is a place available for the dinner. calling the shop the suit is gone. great! i have a place at the dinner but no appropiate suit...</p> <p>that really sucks!<br> it's a thing of principles. if they say the closing date is friday and they receive my booking on thursday they should be fine.<br> they cannot just close two days earlier. that's just not right.</p> <p>usually my principles won't allow me to go. i am at the edge of breaking my principles only because i am on top of the list.<br> but it is just not right!<br> i am not feeling comfortable. not at all...</p> <p>i'm angry right now...<br> and disappointed... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/10/29/waiting_list~268688/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>closing-datedinnershopblack-tiehttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/10/29/waiting_list~268688/#commentshttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/10/24/breakdown_car~259068/tag:allmythoughts.blog.co.uk,2005-10-24:/2005/10/24/breakdown_car~259068/Mon, 24 Oct 2005 21:25:41 +0200 <p>well...</p> <p>i am gutted!!!</p> <p>my mini (petula) broke down this morning on a sainsburys car park.<br> what's so bad about that?<br> well... my minis never let me down and this was actually the first time since four years that it happened...</p> <p>had a day off work to get the car into a garage and fixed and everything. stood about 4 hours in the rain waiting for the recovery car. the first that arrived could neither fix my car nor tow it to a garage as the petula is lowered and has a modified exhaust (no! i am not a boy racer). there simply wasn't enough ground clearence...<br> so i had to wait another hour for a flat bed transporter...</p> <p>car got fixed and i paid 60 quid for it. but i am a happy man again. i really do emotionally suffer when the mini's not working. it almost feels like having taken an arm off...</p> <p>but the worst is to come tomorrow in the office. my fellow colleagues always joke about me because i still drive minis and praise them as being relyable if well maintained and more fun than most other cars (btw my colleagues almost all drive pretty modern "comfy" cars. i am driving mini with a conviction not because i couldn't afford something bigger... they laugh at me but on the other side they show respect also as they realised what i am doing with the mini. this year i drove down to spain to the international mini meeting in barcelona and later that year we drove to the nürburgring which is probably the most famoue racetrack in the world. both were charity events and we raised quite good money for a good cause.<br> the mini gains attention so it is kind of a responsibility we take over driving them and using them for such things...</p> <p>anyway... i am sure tomorrow i will get more laughter from my colleagues than respect...</p> <p>i can already hear them saying "buy a new car" and so on...<br> but i can also hear me answering with a smile "well... i got my car back within one day, yours would have spent a week until they find the fault"...</p> <p>it really is conviction... <img src="/img/smilies/icon_wink.gif" alt=";)" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/10/24/breakdown_car~259068/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>smilebreakdownminiofficehttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/10/24/breakdown_car~259068/#commentshttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/10/23/the_annual_dinner~256707/tag:allmythoughts.blog.co.uk,2005-10-23:/2005/10/23/the_annual_dinner~256707/Sun, 23 Oct 2005 21:57:39 +0200 <p>huh...</p> <p>just received a mail saying that the annual dinner of the junior chamber at the 4th november is a "black tie event"...</p> <p>i'm not having a black tie...<br> anybody got any ideas where to get one? can they be borrowed? average cost?</p> <p>maybe i just shouldn't go... but then i won't meet K as planned...</p> <p>problems... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/10/23/the_annual_dinner~256707/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>black-tiehttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/10/23/the_annual_dinner~256707/#commentshttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/10/22/so_you_understand~253202/tag:allmythoughts.blog.co.uk,2005-10-22:/2005/10/22/so_you_understand~253202/Sat, 22 Oct 2005 15:40:49 +0200 <p>it's the weekend again.<br> time to reflect about my situation and emotional nightmare...</p> <p>so you understand a little better about my emotional career i should tell you about my exex-girlfriend who probably left the deepest stamp on my heart.<br> i'll give you a brief description here as i will most likely quote this relationship a few times in the future of this blog...</p> <p>P i met when i was a month away from my 16th birthday. she was 15 and had a date with one of my mates (C). as he was even more shy than me he asked me to come along with him when he's going to meet her. C got to know P the night before in a club. it was april '84 and as i had nothing better to do anyway i followed his strange request...</p> <p>when we met P i was very unimpressed at first sight as she was almost the opposite of what i would have described as my type.<br> however there was a strange attraction between P and me from the very first second and C was forgotten quite quickly. don't tell me stories about "don't desire your mates date" and so on. he simply wouldn't have had any chance roght from the start...</p> <p>it was the right decision and P and i got through quite a lot of things. i mean we were kids at that time and grew up together from that april... all our thoughts about relationships probably were stamped as we were together for the next 17 years...</p> <p>like kids we experimented about averything and probably still had the best sex together so far. which is no wonder as we were experiencing our first time with each other and were just growing together in our experiences thereafter.</p> <p>somebody you share half your life with probably knows everything about you better than anybody else. at the height of our relatinship she made me the biggest present of my life when she gave birth to my son in 1999. it was the same year we both finished our studies at university and from now on everything should be fine and develop straight to build up a family and so on...</p> <p>it was only 2 years later when she met her current partner through her university work. things went downwards from that point and our relationship broke up during the next 1.5 years. i am not blaming her alone. probably after all these years we got a little bit too much used to each other. however there were never any affairs before that. we got through the odd crisis in the past but never doubted that we belong to each other.<br> the harder it must have been for her than to realise that she is attracted by somebody else who is the incarnation of everything she was missing in me...</p> <p>the next 1.5 years were a hart time where we both made lots of mistakes and she was a little bit helpless in all that. we even reached the point where we were only communicating through our solicitors (without being married that is!). i got a complaint for stalking from her. and i was forcing an injunction to get my car keys back and so on. really ugly things were happening at that time.</p> <p>we haven't spoken for almost a year after that... the only thing we both knew from the beginning is that our son should not suffer under this situation and we never really had to argue about that. i always had contact with him and was participating in all major decisions. it didn't matter what happened between his parents. he had his right for a "normal" life! and honestly, my son is great! he made the best out of it, now having a mother but even two fathers. what more can you wish? P's current partner (still the same) is going on pretty well with my son. this also could have turned out far worse...</p> <p>in the meantime P and i are talking to each other again and it still is some kind of responsibility there for each other. what else would you expect after half a life together? we are still feeling some attraction for each other and sometimes we are thinking what would be if we would come together again one day in the future...</p> <p>not that i am relying on that but you never know what might happen (see my earlier posts on the movie "closer"). we both found our peace and have organised our lives in a way. and now we even found the friend again that we were each other over such a long time...</p> <p>wouldn't it be silly in a way if you loose the person that knows you best only because you see that loving each other in that way the relationship went can't go on?...</p> <p>i am happy when i talk to P on the phone. and yes, sometimes i am dreaming of having a relationship with P again and being the family we started with the birth of our son vincent...</p> <p>it is P's birthday tomorrow... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/10/22/so_you_understand~253202/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/10/22/so_you_understand~253202/#commentshttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/10/20/the_social_event~249579/tag:allmythoughts.blog.co.uk,2005-10-20:/2005/10/20/the_social_event~249579/Thu, 20 Oct 2005 23:27:51 +0200 <p>when i came to leeds my "boss" (you might think why i put boss in ""... the explanation is that he is the same age than i am and we have exactly the same qualification but covering different fields of our profession so we add up to a good team. he couldn't do the job properly without me and the same the other way around. no hierarchy...).<br> however he proposed i should join the "leeds junior chamber" which is kind of a networking organisation, helping to develop your skills and more important to meet new people...<br> i am a member now for a few months but haven't been to any events over the past four months...<br> today we had an after-work-social in a nice bar.</p> <p>so i decided to go there and see what happens. a few new faces and a few that i already know and it was nice to meet the people again and have some decent conversations.</p> <p>then there was K...<br> K i haven't seen before. i am sure i haven't because if i would i would have remembered her. she is a tall and slim goodlooking blonde...<br> shy as i am i haven't talked to her for the whole evening ("idiot! idiot! idiot!") but when i left and said bye to everyone she took my hand and complained that we have not had the possibility to talk for the whole evening... physical contact! it's that simple thing of feeling somebody elses hand in my hand that already gets me excited (especially if it's the one of a stunner...).</p> <p>well. first weekend in november is the annual dinner. originally i didn't want to go...</p> <p>maybe i should change my mind...</p> <p>well... that's an UP for tonight... <img src="/img/smilies/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/10/20/the_social_event~249579/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>leeds-junior-chamberstunnerhttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/10/20/the_social_event~249579/#commentshttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/10/19/ups_and_downs_and_ups_again~246153/tag:allmythoughts.blog.co.uk,2005-10-19:/2005/10/19/ups_and_downs_and_ups_again~246153/Wed, 19 Oct 2005 20:59:32 +0200 <p>had some frantic days...</p> <p>yesterday in the morning i felt like i could conquere the world... the night before, in a very funny flashback way to my blog entry from the day before, i got to know a girl on icq (kind of messenger thing). she is german. it was strange because she just contacted me and i thaught it's again one of these nasty massages where they want to sell you something or you can make the deal of your lifetime or just register to a website to watch some porn.<br> why i thought so?<br> easy.<br> she contacted me with the words: "so you are looking for the perfect date..."<br> reason... i mean i set this account up maybe 1.5 years ago. and as you have to fill in kind of a profile i just wrote something like "just an architect from germany now living in uk and looking for the perfect date..." i have completely forgotten about that...</p> <p>so i was very harsh to her at the beginning but it turned out to be a very nice conversation at the end.<br> so that was for thumbs up the next morning in the office...</p> <p>after returning from the office i suddenly felt completely gutted. i realised how alone i feel sometimes and what a situation i am living in at the moment...<br> i just felt the miss of physical contact once again very strong. very very strong. i felt simply awful...<br> again it was not necessarily about sex. it's just a simple hug that would do the job for a start. well... i wouldn't say "no" if someone would offer more...<br> but seriously i was really feeling it as a pain. you all heard stories about children that grow up without having physical contact with their parents. they really suffer physical pain...<br> so that was thumbs down for the afternoon...</p> <p>than i met that girl again on the net.<br> something strange happened. never experienced something like that before. we started to setup a play in the virtual world...<br> having a fireplace in a hut somewhere in the mountains, music in the background, a soft hide in front of the fireplace, a good bottle of wine unscrewed, and a few virtual hugs and more...<br> that was completely mental and might sound pathetic bit if you have enough fantasy in your mind than this is pretty exciting. i mean it is a complete thing of playing and everything only happens somewhere in your head.<br> but it's fun. and helps for the moment...<br> so that was thumbs up then for yesterday night...</p> <p>this morning i didn't really want to get up. for a second i was thinking of calling the office and tell them i'll stay at home and turn around again and sleep even longer...<br> that was thumbs down for this morning...</p> <p>when coming to the office my "boss" was coming slightly later than i did. and we had a chat about the recent projects and some "office-community" stuff as i wasn't talking to him since he came back from his holidays...<br> it was a very good conversation we had and i received pretty good feedback as some people in the office had spoken to him how i did while his absence... great day in the office. i grew about 40mm immediately.<br> so time for new projects and visions. head free again...<br> that was thumbs up then for todays evening...</p> <p>up there i want to stay now for a while. time to become a little more stable... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/10/19/ups_and_downs_and_ups_again~246153/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>highsexofficehttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/10/19/ups_and_downs_and_ups_again~246153/#commentshttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/10/17/inter_net_acting~239482/tag:allmythoughts.blog.co.uk,2005-10-17:/2005/10/17/inter_net_acting~239482/Mon, 17 Oct 2005 01:09:26 +0200 <p>why is it, that i get to know interesting people mostly through the anonymity of the www???</p> <p>i mean... i am not a scary person in real life... not particularly...</p> <p>but anyway. it seems that the anonymity of the net offers something to people to open themselves to others. you don't have to commit yourself. if i have enough i simply break up any contact...<br> isn't that silly?</p> <p>looking back...<br> when i came to england i got in touch with some people from forums about minis in germany. i was never part of that "scene" when i was living there. i didn't even know that such thing exists...<br> now i have more virtual friends in germany than i have real ones in england... scary? is there something wrong about me?<br> i don't know...</p> <p>why can i make friends or attract people with my virtual character? a reason might be because i am authentic. take this blog for example... i tell about things (and people) to everyone without it being their business...<br> am i doing that because i can hide behind the anonymity? am i doing that because if i have enough i can just stop to write?<br> again... i don't know...</p> <p>the funny thing is that the behaviour that i show on the net is exactly the same i show in the real world. and maybe that is what scares people in the real world. i am NOT pretending to be someone i am not...<br> i am just real.<br> take some neighbours i had back in berlin. i had cancer nine years ago and i had to go through two operations and three circles of chemotherapy. i lost all my hair and one day my neighbours met me on the stairs and asked me if i had lost a bet (assuming that i had to shave my head as a wager). and i simply answered with the truth and told them that i am in my third circle of chemo therapy... those people were apologising for asking and from then on they hardly looked into my eyes when we met on the stairs ... what the hell is that???</p> <p>i am a real person. and maybe i am wearing my tongue on my sleeve...<br> is that wrong?<br> can't people cope with that? they can... as long as they are in the anonymity of the www. as soon as emotions are involved (and that is what happens as soon as you have looked into someones eyes) they obviously can't...<br> welcome to the real world...</p> <p>i see that i changed my habbit because of that. i am too shy on one hand to speak to people quite frankly about what is going on because i am worried about their reactions as i don't want to be put away by them because they can't deal with it...<br> on the other hand i start to get quickly involved with people i met "online". they interest me and they don't disappoint me as they listen (or read in the case of the blog)...<br> when it comes to dating through this agency thing (btw my membership runs out on thursday!) i am almost at the point to avoid real encounters as i have the impression it just works better when the relation remains virtual...</p> <p>that's wrong! people who enjoy me on the net shall enjoy me in real as well as i am literally the same (in addition i am not particularly ugly!).<br> the problem is though that people re-act different on the net then they do in real... that gives me the impression that i am more suitable to be a virtual character...<br> am I not suitable for the real world? or am i the spearhead of a new "communication elite"? i hope the latter is the case otherwise i had to lock myself up in my study and remain sitting in front of my pc-screen to interact with people...</p> <p>i always encourage almost everyone i meet on the net to meet in real as well when i have the impression to just have met an interesting person...<br> some took the challenge and from the earlier mentioned german mini-forum i met some people and one girl even made a work placement in our office...<br> that's great! and it worked (for those who might get it wrong. she was coming with her boyfriend and both of them were staying in my flat for three weeks)...</p> <p>so where exactly is the problem? am i the problem myself?<br> i don't know...</p> <p>i only want to interact and hope that more people take the challenge. it is kind of crazy to make friends on the net and never meet them in real...<br> talking and communication in real is an art. it is an art that involves taking risks because it involves emotions (positive as negative ones).<br> and emotions are what people scare the most it seems...</p> <p>what a pity...<br> you'll never know what you're missing unless you tried it. but it's safer being idle...</p> <p>no no no...<br> i will NEVER pretend being something i am not...<br> so where is the risk? </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/10/17/inter_net_acting~239482/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/10/17/inter_net_acting~239482/#commentshttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/10/15/lyrics~236520/tag:allmythoughts.blog.co.uk,2005-10-15:/2005/10/15/lyrics~236520/Sat, 15 Oct 2005 17:08:19 +0200 <p>just got the latest paul weller album...</p> <p>it's great! one of the best for a long time...</p> <p>found some lyrics in one song that i immediately liked. a perfect image of my state of mind at the moment...</p> <p><strong>"to the start of forever"</strong></p> <p>"<br> hold tight<br> angel<br> morning will soon be here</p> <p>washing<br> your pillow<br> in swathes of gold and red</p> <p>our time<br> is waiting<br> in the wings of uncertainty</p> <p>our love is<br> waking<br> you're born to be with me</p> <p>i know it<br> takes<br> to the start of forever<br> that's a long time - such a long time<br> to be waiting<br> in the sun</p> <p>your soul so peaceful<br> how could i have been so mean</p> <p>feel i've been sleeping<br> might have looked<br> but i've never seen</p> <p>such beauty<br> takes<br> to the start of forever<br> that's a long time - such a long time<br> to be waiting<br> in the sun</p> <p>feel i've been sleeping<br> i'm born to be with you</p> <p>to the start of forever<br> it's the start of forever<br> it's a long time - such a long time<br> to be waiting<br> in the sun<br> "</p> <p>but who to address it to?... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/10/15/lyrics~236520/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>paul-wellerlyricshttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/10/15/lyrics~236520/#commentshttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/10/13/little_remarkable_t~232455/tag:allmythoughts.blog.co.uk,2005-10-13:/2005/10/13/little_remarkable_t~232455/Thu, 13 Oct 2005 16:47:56 +0200 <p>one nice anecdote about T...<br> those come like flashbacks into my mind and must not be forgotten to be mentioned...</p> <p>T once recorded a tape for me which i got to my birthday which included a couple of recordings from the opera she was putting on stage at that time and lots of other rather "weird" stuff.<br> it was a fantastic tape and she compiled it knowing that i always listen to music while driving.<br> this tape in the meantime was mended by be so often as my radio in the car was eating tapes... every other tape would have gone straight to the waste bin once broken.<br> not so T's...</p> <p>i kept it running for ages (unfortunately the latest car has only a cd-player...) and once driving with T on the passenger seat she found that tape again and said she'd like to listen to it. i told her to go on...</p> <p>there was one song on that tape sung by marlene dietrich (probably THE filmdiva of the 1930's). "ich bin von kopf bis fuss auf liebe eingestellt" (very liberally translated as "i am appointed to love from head to toe"). a true classic!</p> <p>when this song came up T adjusted the volume into regions of which i didn't know that my speakers were capable of... and i told you earlier that she was taking singing lessons... she started singing... this song is rather (subversively) raunchy and so was T's habit when singing. her hands were playing with her hair and she leaned her head back to give free view on this tempting neck again... i needed to be careful not to crash the car...</p> <p>T was singing in a way that i believed she really meant what she sings... i don't know what would have happened if we had listened to that song at home. i only know that the mini would definitely have been to small for that...</p> <p>it was great and it always were these little things that made (and still make) me love her even more...</p> <p>T by the way received a couple of cd's over the time compiled by me packed with songs that explain my feelings for her where my own words fail to be appropriate...</p> <p>she still listens to them regularly... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/10/13/little_remarkable_t~232455/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>musictaperaunchyhttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/10/13/little_remarkable_t~232455/#commentshttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/10/13/the_story_of_t_pt_iii_finale~231389/tag:allmythoughts.blog.co.uk,2005-10-12:/2005/10/13/the_story_of_t_pt_iii_finale~231389/Thu, 13 Oct 2005 00:49:35 +0200 <p>woohoo...</p> <p>seems like this is going to be an endless story...</p> <p>okay... something in my defense in advance. i know i am not that old yet and i also know that this story didn't start particularly far in the past...</p> <p>but i get completely mixed up with the timeline and what happened when... simply because i am so impressed with this story. writing about it opens my eyes again it seems...</p> <p>however... i am trying to tell about the incidents that happened but don't fix me on the chronological order...</p> <p>back to the story...</p> <p>when P (my girlfriend at that time) went on her "business trip" i met T again (sounds a bit cowardish, doesn't it?... well... it simply was...).<br> i met T and we decided to go and sit by the canal with a good bottle of wine i bought. to top things i even brought two proper wine glasses and a cork screw (not one of these dodgy swiss knife thingies) as i wanted to make a good impression and to show T all my appreciation...</p> <p>that day was simply great! the sun was shining and we were sitting on the grass the sound of the little waves in the background. T was wearing one of her beautiful dresses again and i was often catching myself just staring at her while she was talking...<br> again she had her hair pinned up and during the hours passing she decided to let her hair down...<br> THIS was one of the moments i knew i had to tell her what she means to me. this simple gesture really turned me on. it was so incredibly sexy as she really has very long hair (actually it reaches down to her hips)...</p> <p>i was melting once more...<br> and just watching her bringing the fragile wine glass with its deep red content to her full lips and looking me into my eyes...<br> i was ready to die at that point... happy and completely excited...</p> <p>we were talking a lot and in the meantime we decided to lie down in the grass as it was more appropriate for our conversation. we didn't really talk much about serious things. it was more a thing of telling each other what we felt...<br> T was clearly unhappy to just have gone into a relationship with M but she was uncapable of parting from him... and to be honest, i wasn't sure if i could have parted easily from my relationship which already lasted for about one and a half decades...</p> <p>so we were a little bit like stuck in the same unsolvable situation but that didn't keep us from dreaming... what would be if... and so on.<br> minutes passed without talking and just looking into each others eyes and holding hands...<br> it was just wonderful and completely innocent. we finished the wine and bought another bottle at a nearby store and continued at another place...</p> <p>we met a couple of times the next days doing almost the same nad then parted...<br> i don't know what the reason was why our contact was interrupted just before we really could get into a splendid future. i got a phone call from T to my birthday (which is in may) and then we lost...</p> <p>half a year passed and it was near christmas when my ubiquitous thoughts on T emerged again. we were close to her birthday by then and i remembered her call to my birthday (which was taken first by my girlfriend at that time which created a very uncomfortable conversation on the phone...).</p> <p>so i called T a few days before her birthday and proposed to meet in a café for a glass of wine one evening. she agreed and with mixed emotions i turned up at the café.<br> i the best intentions to not go for my emotions but as soon as i enterd the room and saw her sitting on the table... all was gone within a second. my heart started to beat in a frequency that i thought it will burst every second...</p> <p>the whole setup was just made for a movie... it was snowy outside and i just got rid of the cold when i closed the door behind me and was standing in the bar. there was quiet music in the background and wads of cigarette smoke were hanging in the air. the bartender was cleaning a few glasses. the light was rather dark and not many people attended this evening...<br> my eyes were checking every corner of the room and at one of the dark wooden tables the possible fulfillment of my dreams was sitting...</p> <p>she looked like a diva in one of these black and white movies of the 40's. i felt like phillip marlowe...</p> <p>i got to her table and despite not having seen each other for half a year it was immediately a very intimate atmosphere between us... we had our wine and started talking. everything was like last summer. unfortunately it really was everything... she still was with M and things turned out worse with her relationship. but she still couldn't leave him... we had a rather short evening in which i again couldn't hold back of telling her everything about my feelings for her...</p> <p>on the day of her birthday i knew she'll had a party... so i sent one red rose the in the morning after the party. it arrived exactly when M got off her home after a big argument. he was on the loosing streak already...</p> <p>another few month went before i met T again...</p> <p>the next time we had our wine i wanted to take her to a very special place. before i had to promise not to make any tries to convince her of me being the best partner for her. the last times did confuse her to much so that she would prefer not to meet me again if i'd go on like this... i was willing to promise her everything just to see her. knowing that i probably can't keep my promise i said "no problem!"... </p> <p>so i took her to the highest hill in berlin from which you have a fantastic view over the whole city and that turns very romantic when the sun sets...<br> as i am an architect i know my city quite well and could name her every landmark that could be seen from up here. she was coming very close to follow with her look along my stretched arm where my finger was pointing to...<br> as it was windy her hair was flying around my face and i simply loved the smell... we had a wonderful sunset that was only disturbed by persistant calls of M... yes he was still existent and completely loosing his mind as he knew already that he is going to loose her. she told him that she will meet me this evening and he wanted to take control... T didn't pick up the phone once. instead we were kissing each other and lying in our arms...</p> <p>i am not quite sure about this anymore but i believe it was on that day that i picked her up from a violin lesson before driving to that hill (which adequate carries the name "devil's mountain"). she wanted to go with her bicycle but i said i wanted to show her something so she should leave the bike and come with me in the car. she decided to bring the bicycle to my place and then we should take the car... so we did...<br> that's how we ended up at that hill... kissing...</p> <p>after the sunset it became quite chilly up there and we decided to go somewhere more cosy for a drink before she takes her bike and rides home.<br> as P once again was on one of her business trips we ended up having the drink in my flat. after the one drink there followed a few others and it got quite late...</p> <p>the whole scene was asking for my next question... "why don't you stay over night?"...</p> <p>i offered her the sofa bed and told her that i want to sleep besides her. she agreed when i promise to "behave well"... as before i was willing to promise everything just to lie beside her...<br> i gave her one of my t-shirts for the night but before i even could turn out the light she already asked me to come closer and the t-shirt was gone...</p> <p>she smelled so good and i was burying my nose everywhere on her body... it was incredibly intense feeling her skin on mine and seeing her blush in excitement under the impression of my hands being all over her...<br> i am not going to tell tany more details apart from that i felt this night like being one of the best of my life...</p> <p>but we still haven't had a relationship... it took another few month until i met T the next time... my relationship with P was almost at its end and T broke up with M...</p> <p>this time when we met we felt closer than anytime before but again the whole thing didn't end in a proper relationship...<br> and than came the time i had to go to england...</p> <p>there are so many unusual and rare things to tell about my relationship to T that i can't tell them all. one of the most remarkable things surely was when T told me that she printed off every email i sent her. i love her for that alone...</p> <p>we meet every time i am back in berlin what happens every few month and we have a funny relationship. i still can't hold back my emotions and even if she tells me she is falling in love with someone else i keep telling her she should better come to me... and everytime she agrees.<br> as she says: "nobody ever treated me the way you do. you are probably the best for me"...</p> <p>what shall i say?<br> in one of our very early days we said that we will end up when retired on one of these southern france vineyards sitting on the terrace of our little chalet, holding hands, enjoying the sun and finally being married...</p> <p>i keep writing emails like a figure from the romanticism and T keeps on printing them (i hope)...</p> <p>if asked to rank my emotions and relationships there is a simple conclusion:<br> without wanting to lower my relation to P which was lasting for half of my life but P is viewed from now not on top of the list. I got to know P when we were children (me 16 and her 15) and we were a lucky couple from the very first day. but we were still children and couldn't really appreciate what was happening...</p> <p>T was the first girl i started to fall in love with with all my senses and knowing them.<br> if i had to rank them...</p> <p>the conclusion would be that T is the greatest love of my life. even if we don't have this "proper" relationship (yet!) there seems to be something special between us that is too special to be described with words...<br> and if THAT is the case that i am not finding the right words than i feel i call this my greatest love...</p> <p>waiting to be fulfilled... i am patient. even if i had to retire first... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/10/13/the_story_of_t_pt_iii_finale~231389/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>greatest-lovehttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/10/13/the_story_of_t_pt_iii_finale~231389/#commentshttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/10/11/the_story_of_t_pt_ii~227707/tag:allmythoughts.blog.co.uk,2005-10-11:/2005/10/11/the_story_of_t_pt_ii~227707/Tue, 11 Oct 2005 01:08:00 +0200 <p>what shall i say?</p> <p>first i have to correct myself. it started in 2002 as i celebrated my 33 birthday shortly after i met T for the first time. actually it happened a few weeks after the following incident...</p> <p>the days passed by and i couldn't do anything else than just wait...<br> finally T called to arrange jump starting her friends car.</p> <p>i was nervous when driving to her home. and excited. "don't do anything wrong" sounded it repeatedly in my head.</p> <p>it was early summer. spring just filled the nature with life and berlin was showing itself from its very best side. finally i arrived. quick call on the mobile so that she comes down as we agreed earlier.</p> <p>and again i was waiting...<br> minutes that felt like an eternity passed and finally she stepped out of the door...<br> GOSH!!! i was blinded! she was even more beautiful than i remembered her! wearing a dress with flowerprint and her hair pinned together giving view to what i call one of the most adorable necks my eyes have ever spotted.<br> i couldn't believe that this was real. the image was too much like in these cheesy movies that "us men" never watch...<br> she hid her eyes behind dark sunglasses but it didn't really matter as her smile was somewhat beautiful that i could see her eyes sparkle even behind her glasses...</p> <p>so back to business. i explained her briefly that we would have to take our coffee first because after jumpstarting her car she had to drive for about an hour to get the battery loaded again. she agreed and around the corner was one of these typical berlin cafés that are in the shade of the trees but offer enough rays from the sun to come through. so the warmth of the very early summer sun added perfectly to the whole setup...</p> <p>we were sitting and talking. we talked quite a lot and by the second coffee i already knew that she was going to university to become stage director to put on operas after she learned to play the violin earlier. i also learned that i was agewise in the middle of her and her mother. me being 33 (almost) and her mother being 44. that made T 22 years of age (which adds to the thrill of T being virtuosic at the violin already). she also was taking singing lessons at that time. the background was her parents both working at the opera in dresden...</p> <p>unfortunately i also learned little about her boyfriend with whom she had a relationship since 3 weeks by now. M was at the same university as she was and he must have been a parvenu, ambitious but only feeling good buy putting others down as i learned a few weeks later...</p> <p>more important at that moment was that after the third cup of coffee i knew i want to have her...<br> she should be mine. and i was more than willing to be hers...<br> but there was a problem... i had my life with P (which is a story that would be worth to be heard later) and she had M. after it took her very long to go into a relationship again after she was heavily disappointed by an earlier one she was not keen on just giving it up again...</p> <p>time will tell was the motto for the moment and i was full of hope...<br> so closer came the moment to fulfill why we met today. jump start her friends car...</p> <p>before that i have to say that i am some kind of conservative with the opposite sex. cars and girls that doesn't go together (sounds provocative when told that briefly, doesn't it? well... proove me wrong...). but girls looking helpless when in need of changing a tyre always grabbed my attention. it is not that i truly believe they can't do it. it is more that i believe that work that involve dirty and greasy hands is more a male thing. a woman should be elegant and grand... T matched all my imaginations perfectly so far.<br> so how would she be with jump starting a car? i knew she was 11 years younger than me and this generation should be self confident enough to try everything on her own at least once...</p> <p>not so T. she was willing to let me connect the jump leads and listen to my explanations while i did exactly that. she was just standing by my side (but not in my way) appreciating my willingness to help a "lady in misery"...<br> T always knows when to behave right. she didn't feel the need to proove me something and in a way she liked to be treated as a lady and accepting my role as a gentleman...</p> <p>i connected the leads to her car (after having started mine indeed!) and asked her to sit in her car and try to start it.<br> and it worked. on one hand i was happy as it was fulfilling my expectations to "save her bacon". on the other hand i was sad as that meant that this beautiful early summer afternoon is going to end very soon...</p> <p>i took my leads back and was just putting them back into the boot of my car when it happened...<br> she took the foot of the clutch pedal having the car in gear...<br> silence...<br> and a giggle...</p> <p>and then laughter... by me... and then by her.<br> well... THAT is what i call a girl how i like it (see above)! after a looking deeply into her eyes and telling her that this was the final step in really conquering my heart she looked shyly up to me and i was melting...</p> <p>i must have her...</p> <p>she has done absolutely everything right.<br> we restarted the car (this time in neutral) and i put my stuff back together. when she was ready to drive away i told her that i want to see her as soon as possible and that my girlfriend (P) would be travelling to chile for a few days as she had to do some uni work over there.<br> we could have some days...</p> <p>standing besides T's car i told her through the side window that i would buy a nice bottle of wine and we should sit by the canal on the grass one of the next days...</p> <p>she smiled at me put her glasses on agreed... and drove away...</p> <p>the sun was shining onto my face filling my heart with warmth...<br> or was something else generating this impression?...</p> <p>i needed to look into these eyes again.<br> her eyes, her smile, her neck... everything was present in my mind every second until i should meet her the next time...</p> <p>to be continued... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/10/11/the_story_of_t_pt_ii~227707/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>ladylovejump-startsmilehttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/10/11/the_story_of_t_pt_ii~227707/#commentshttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/10/11/sorry~227633/tag:allmythoughts.blog.co.uk,2005-10-10:/2005/10/11/sorry~227633/Tue, 11 Oct 2005 00:07:42 +0200 <p>haven't been around for a few days...</p> <p>but brought something with me as compensation... <img src="/img/smilies/icon_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>me in wales with the bunch on the beach:<br> <a href="http://staffsminis.tripod.com/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderfiles/movie2.wmv"></p> <p>enjoy...<br> and find me! (easy one...) <img src="/img/smilies/icon_wink.gif" alt=";)" class="middle" border="0"></a> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/10/11/sorry~227633/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>beachwalesminihttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/10/11/sorry~227633/#commentshttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/10/05/the_story_of_t_pt_i~218562/tag:allmythoughts.blog.co.uk,2005-10-05:/2005/10/05/the_story_of_t_pt_i~218562/Wed, 05 Oct 2005 22:10:49 +0200 <p>have i told you the story of T yet?</p> <p>this is probably one of the most remarkable love stories i ever experienced...</p> <p>i first met T in 2001 (or was it 2000?) when my relationship with P (who i earlier referred to as my "exex") was almost completely ran down but we both (P and me) were blinded by our memories on 15 years we spent together...<br> as P was chilean origin we were invited to a vernissage at the chilean ambassy in berlin one day. like many times we arrived there having just had an argument while driving there. so it came that we spent most of the time at the exhibition seperately...</p> <p>and than i saw T. she was an incredibly lovely being that walked around there and laughed a lot and our views crossed several times on different occasions during that evening. a smile here... a twinkle there...<br> but no talks... yet!</p> <p>i felt i needed to talk to her but what should i say? she was always surrounded by people and i am not very good in breaking into conversations...<br> i met a few interesting people during that evening and was talking with an environmental engineer from chile and we were making plans on working on a challenging project in south-america when P came to me and said "we are going now!"...<br> i was panicing... "go?" "now?" "without having talked to that beautiful girl?" were my first thoughts... but as P already was gone through the door i just followed her.<br> on the drive back home something happened that never happened before. i am usually the most loyal person when i made my decisions but that changed here for the very first time...</p> <p>i knew i had to go back to the embassy as quick as possible...</p> <p>argument in the car... "why do we had to leave so abruptly?" - "because i'm tired" - "but i was in the middle of an interesting conversation..." - "you should have said this!" - "but you were already through the door..." and so on...so i brought P back home and said to her "i am going back to the embassy to finish my conversation!" - "okay, if you need to..."</p> <p>i ran down to my mini and drove back to the embassy like the devil was chasing me... when i arrived i noticed that the embassy was already closing and everybody leaving... fear! naked fear! "will she still be there?"... when i parked my car and walked to the entrance there was a group of people standing in front of the door. it was T and some friends... what to do now?</p> <p>the simpliest approach worked... i asked her for a lighter as i just saw she was rolling a cigarette herself. she smiled at me and said "sure" lighting up my cigarette...<br> so we started talking and she said she was almost on her way home... i convinced her that it would be a nice idea to go for a drink. but we had to wait for a friend of hers who she was with that evening so i had a drink with two girls that evening...</p> <p>we ended up in a bar in the centre of berlin where we had to meet as she was riding on a bicycle and therefor couldn't drive with me.<br> we met in the bar and had a couple of drinks (it was two bottles of red wine i think) and kept talking... her friend always made little remarks about T having a boyfriend since two weeks but i wasn't bothered. i was just looking in these incredibly dark and deep eyes and had to be careful not to drown in them...<br> T's eyes by the way complemented perfectly with her long brown hair that she pinned up artisticly. and when i say long than i mean really long (how i realised later in a different occasion...).</p> <p>hours later the two mentioned they had to leave now and i was thinking of how to see her again. she told me earlier that she had trouble starting the car which was standing on her drive and one of her housemates (who borrowed her the car) was coming back in three days. so i told her that i have jump leads in my car and that i would just come to see her and help start her car the day before. but only if she goes for another drink with me on that day...</p> <p>this was the day since when she had an entry in her diary saying 'Falk "jump leads" F.' and my telephone number...</p> <p>on my way home i felt like walking on air...</p> <p>to be continued... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/10/05/the_story_of_t_pt_i~218562/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>jump-leadswalking-on-airhttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/10/05/the_story_of_t_pt_i~218562/#commentshttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/10/04/handover~216655/tag:allmythoughts.blog.co.uk,2005-10-04:/2005/10/04/handover~216655/Tue, 04 Oct 2005 21:08:37 +0200 <p>okay... our director was only half a day in the office today because he is going on holidays...</p> <p>so it was handover time.<br> and for a very long time again i had the impression people really appreciate the work i'm doing...</p> <p>i mean... i am the second furthest qualified person in the office. i should have enough responsibility anyway but very often i have the impression people at work don't trust me.</p> <p>usually when mr G is in the office everybody of the youngsters asks him loads of questions and when it comes to me needing some of his time to discuss some serious issues regarding several projects he just has only 5 minutes left...<br> unsatisfying because it left me always with this miserable doubtful feeling.</p> <p>talking about that in our last one-to-one he explained that the opprosite is the case. he believes in my abilities and tries to encourage me to go even a few steps further...</p> <p>that feels good but why can't he just take his time to tell me that???<br> i need this positive feedback sometimes to keep up good work...</p> <p>well... dating again. i still can't get the text message from yesterday out of my head.<br> it annoys me in a way, but at least it doesn't hurt me that much anymore.<br> there are more things to look forward to.</p> <p>but honestly... after 1.5 years in england without having a girlfriend it would be time for a change...</p> <p>and that is what makes me feel really sad... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/10/04/handover~216655/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>datinghandoverofficehttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/10/04/handover~216655/#commentshttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/10/03/text_message~215020/tag:allmythoughts.blog.co.uk,2005-10-03:/2005/10/03/text_message~215020/Mon, 03 Oct 2005 22:57:38 +0200 <p>just received a text:</p> <p>"sorry not to have been in touch earlier. my ex an i have decided to give things another go. i think you are great and wish you every success with your search"</p> <p>is the world around me going mad???<br> or is it just me in disbelief??? </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/10/03/text_message~215020/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>textdisbeliefhttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/10/03/text_message~215020/#commentshttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/10/02/wet_in_wales~213260/tag:allmythoughts.blog.co.uk,2005-10-02:/2005/10/02/wet_in_wales~213260/Sun, 02 Oct 2005 23:40:42 +0200 <p>oh what a weekend!</p> <p>we had such a great time in wales. we met in shrewsbury and drove our 23 minis into snowdonia where we had a campsite to stay overnight. fortunately i had a bed in a bunkhouse as it was extremely wet and windy but that matched the dramatic scenery perfectly. the clouds were hanging that deep that we can't see the tops of the mountains surrounding us... our beertent flew away as were most of the private tents while we were at the seaside for fish n chips...<br> the bbq was put up in a nearby barn as no volunteer was found to eat or even prepare food outside...</p> <p>today we had a hillclimb race up THAT road...<br> <img src="http://www.mini25.org.uk/rats/hillclimb_s.jpg" alt="null" title=""><br> (here seen from the top) look at the fab weather... <img src="/img/smilies/icon_wink.gif" alt=";)" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>i didn't do too bad although i didn't win it...<br> later we got to the seaside again. we had access to the beach and gave the cars a good going. it's big fun driving in the sand and i even got my car almost swimming in the sea...</p> <p>here is the whole lot parked up at the beach...<br> <img src="http://www.mini25.org.uk/rats/allonthebeach_s.jpg" alt="" title=""></p> <p>and my car alone...<br> <img src="http://www.mini25.org.uk/rats/1onthebeach_s.jpg" alt="" title=""></p> <p>woohoo!!! </p> <p>well... two of our cars smashed into each other... not very lucky. especially if i try to imagine the description of the accident for the insurances... "i was driving along the beach..."<br> question now is if this was a left-hand or right-hand-drive beach...</p> <p>after all that we ended up go karting on our way back (the weather was dry now!). and again i didn't win... i am so lousy... <img src="/img/smilies/icon_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>well...</p> <p>something funny happened as well...<br> i had my phone switched off to fully appreciate the weekend with my mates (thanks jaketaylor) and when i switched it on again i had a missed call from this morning. i tried to call the number and heard a message about a "privacy number" thing... did you know that you can get temporary phone numbers on the internet so that the person you call does not get your original number??? i didn't...<br> well... surely a girl that has her luck passing by without getting hold of it as i can't call back... <img src="/img/smilies/icon_wink.gif" alt=";)" class="middle" border="0"> if i ever will get to know who tried to call me?</p> <p>and than my dating agency girl...<br> she didn't come back to me yet... okay she knew i was away over the weekend but i sent her a textmessage after i returned as her landline was busy... still nothing...<br> and on the website she comes up as "last logged in within the last 24 hours"...<br> i know... that does not neccessarily mean anything but for my "aim for matchlessness" that doesn't really help...</p> <p>okay... i have done everything now that i could and now i have to wait... no good feeling... but to be honest i would never had thought she would just say nothing... we had some really good conversations and at least i would expect her to say something like "sorry. not the right one" or whatever if she does think (feel) like that...</p> <p>there is still some hope but i am not that desperate anymore...</p> <p>and again food for the lovesick architect...</p> <p>see what happens...</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/10/02/wet_in_wales~213260/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>beachcar-personminimatchlessnesswaleshillclimbdatinghttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/10/02/wet_in_wales~213260/#commentshttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/10/01/nothing~210367/tag:allmythoughts.blog.co.uk,2005-09-30:/2005/10/01/nothing~210367/Sat, 01 Oct 2005 00:47:08 +0200 <p>still no sign...<br> and i almost start chewing my fingertips...</p> <p>was it wrong to send this little message yesterday to show her my appreciation?<br> have i done or said something bizarre when we were out?<br> am i just an idiot?</p> <p>maybe it was just the bloody english politeness and me the willing victim when she said we'll meet again?</p> <p>or am i just over-panicing to satisfy my desperate urge for selftorture?</p> <p>i don't know...<br> i really don't know...</p> <p>sha said she is shy... maybe i'm just expecting her to wear her heart on her sleeve as i do? and she can't cope with that.</p> <p>she knows i'm off over the weekend. she could have at least sent a text... but there is nothing... absolutely nothing...</p> <p>if i would just go and wait what happens until sunday night i am really in fear that there will be a negative message from her... is she maybe exactly planning that? so that i can't immediately react when i receive her message as i have no computer on the welsh campsite??? that would be devastating...</p> <p>well... got to get up early tomorrow. will take my mobile with me and try to get hold of her tomorrow during the day...</p> <p>don't know... can't really go travelling with joy...</p> <p>sh*t!!!</p> <p>that sucks...</p> <p>f*ck! she's soo lovely...</p> <p>well... we'll see...</p> <p>got to sleep now! need to get up at 5:30 (a.m. that is...)</p> <p>"good" night... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/10/01/nothing~210367/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/10/01/nothing~210367/#commentshttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/09/30/short_dinners~208707/tag:allmythoughts.blog.co.uk,2005-09-30:/2005/09/30/short_dinners~208707/Fri, 30 Sep 2005 01:15:28 +0200 <p>that's what happening if you meet after work for dinner with a teacher...<br> the evening is short as teachers always have to prepare the next day...</p> <p>well...<br> finally we met. and had a nice dinner.<br> strange though that the dinner was feeling like meeting someone you already know... must have been the long phonecalls over the last few days...</p> <p>anyway. it was really nice and her photo does no judgement to what she really looks like. it's how i said earlier. you need to see a person acting and moving to get an idea if you like him/her or not.<br> and she looks great. her overall appearance is pretty much exactly what i like about girls.<br> she has beautiful hands and incredibely cute little wrinkles around the eyes when she smiles or laughs...<br> and she smiled and laughed a lot...</p> <p>yes. i like her. i like her pretty much...</p> <p>unfortunately we had only about 1.5 hours because of her job... we just warmed up and had to part already...</p> <p>not very satisfying but maybe not to bad for a slow start. i think she was impressed in a way and liked it.</p> <p>but my little self-confidence annoys me again... had no feedback from her yet. so could be a rough day tomorrow...</p> <p>and i'm away over the weekend... that sucks! no it doesn't! actually it's great as i'm going to meet a couple of friends and probably get the chance to drink myself senseless...</p> <p>i hope i get a message of her soon. any sign.</p> <p>everything went quite well tonight but there still is this doubt in me. have i done everything right? not that i concentrated on that but did she like what i did?</p> <p>when we were at the car park before we got into our cars i asked her if i will see her again...</p> <p>and she said "yes!"...</p> <p>so i guess i should be happy...<br> but i'm not for nothing the lovesick architect.<br> maybe i want too much too soon??...</p> <p>she said yes, she said yes!!!</p> <p>and she is so incredibly lovely.<br> she really is!... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/09/30/short_dinners~208707/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>meet-againdoubtdinnerhttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/09/30/short_dinners~208707/#commentshttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/09/29/crappy_day_at_work~207718/tag:allmythoughts.blog.co.uk,2005-09-29:/2005/09/29/crappy_day_at_work~207718/Thu, 29 Sep 2005 15:07:04 +0200 <p>my spirits are currently pretty low (that is no good for my dinner tonight!) but the atmosphere at work is somewhat awful at the moment...</p> <p>everybody is sitting in front of their screens and there is neither laughter nor fun.<br> it's a tension in the air that you can feel.<br> feels like someone is going to explode soon. why does nobody talk? i mean we are a creative practice so we should have far more conversation and discussion.</p> <p>nothing happens instead.<br> just silence.</p> <p>bad mood everywhere and i feel an upcoming illness... right to the weekend...</p> <p>not good. i want to go to wales on saturday. need to be fit though!</p> <p>and i have my dinner later. need to get in a good mood again.</p> <p>easier said than done...</p> <p>okay.<br> need coffee and cigarettes...</p> <p>see you later. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/09/29/crappy_day_at_work~207718/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>bad-moodtensionofficehttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/09/29/crappy_day_at_work~207718/#commentshttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/09/28/the_rally~206689/tag:allmythoughts.blog.co.uk,2005-09-28:/2005/09/28/the_rally~206689/Wed, 28 Sep 2005 21:58:34 +0200 <p>no! not that i was rushing to her driving to quick yesterday...</p> <p>but i have some spare time today as she (the girl from the dating agency for those who haven't followed the whole story) is at her parents house today to enjoy "mum's kitchen". so we will have no chance to talk today.</p> <p>so today i go a bit for the "mini driving" in the title of my blog...</p> <p>we are organising again. i am already organising the trip to poland where the international mini meeting 2006 will take place. this is a meeting that is held every year in a different country and thousands of mini drivers from all over europe gather. after it was in spain this year it is poland next year. as we are passing my hometown i will prepare something special for my english fellows... but that is not the rally i ment.</p> <p>it is still to early to open our plans to the public but for first i can tell it will involve two racetracks, very good opportunities to socialise and it will bring us abroad as well...</p> <p>again there will be a gathering and loads of minis will be driven there by their proud owners...<br> we will have fun and we willprobably start as a small group but if it 's a success (which it will be!) than we will get more and more attention each year...<br> so keep your eyes open over the next month's to see how things develop...</p> <p>yesterday night after i finished writing my blog finally she called. and again several hours went while we were talking. this time she slept in in the morning but made it to school on time...</p> <p>we were talking quite a lot and the good thing is to realise that she laughes more each day we talk...</p> <p>all three nights we were on the phone she ended up laying on her bed ready to fall asleep after finishing conversation (with my chocolate'y voice being the last impression in her mind - sweet dreams)...</p> <p>and finally now i know she is sleeping naked(!). well... she told me, haven't seen it yet (remember the physics teacher saying "believe only what you see!").</p> <p>well... she told me that without hesitation when i asked what she wears at night and with a voice that sounded like "come here and find out"... (which i probably will do - later). </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/09/28/the_rally~206689/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/09/28/the_rally~206689/#commentshttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/09/27/exhausting_day~204756/tag:allmythoughts.blog.co.uk,2005-09-27:/2005/09/27/exhausting_day~204756/Tue, 27 Sep 2005 21:43:11 +0200 <p>different topic...</p> <p>office was busy today. pretty busy and i managed to get quite a lot of work done.<br> very nice though that i noticed (and so did my colleagues) how i changed since the last few days.</p> <p>am pretty much talkative at the moment. like to tell people stories and to be part of the (very english) small talk.</p> <p>what am i lucky being in this great office!</p> <p>received a text message from that girl. she had a horrific day as she said and is currently sitting at her neighbours house.</p> <p>said she's gonna call me later...</p> <p>well... guess what my mood is like?<br> feeling well!<br> very well.</p> <p>everything is moving.</p> <p>impressive though how all things in live have an impact on each other... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/09/27/exhausting_day~204756/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>officeworkimpacthttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/09/27/exhausting_day~204756/#commentshttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/09/27/late_night_talk~203185/tag:allmythoughts.blog.co.uk,2005-09-27:/2005/09/27/late_night_talk~203185/Tue, 27 Sep 2005 01:09:12 +0200 <p>okay it took her a little longer to call back as one of her chatty friends jumped the phone queue...</p> <p>but however we were on the phone again for 2 hours...<br> what shall i say. i didn't know that i have that many stories to tell. she just makes me talk (btw she is talking too...).</p> <p>it's not easy. usually when i meet a girl in real i am not talking that much as i always run out of stories and i don't want to bore people with essays about architecture or the arts... but she is really interested in it! </p> <p>well some of you might have followed this blog for the last days and might think now "don't get so excited!" or "don't put yourself too much into it!" "what if you are disappointed when you meet her?"...</p> <p>well... i'm doing it because this is ME! it's dead easy! do something properly or don't do it!</p> <p>i just want to enjoy every moment of it to the full! and if it doesn't work out that's just bad luck but at least i had a few days that i love remembering. a few days when i felt extremely excited and almost already in love...</p> <p>if it doesn't work out then everyone understands why my blog has exactly the title it has...</p> <p>i am looking very forward to thursday.<br> and i do not really want to get rid of my excitement and the expectations that i build up at the moment are probably part of it...</p> <p>and that's maybe the reason why i am the lovesick architect...</p> <p>but hey... life is full of expectations. and if i wouldn't feel like i feel right now and instead would hide myself behind being reserved (to avoid possible disappointment) than i knew right from the beginning that she couldn't be the one.</p> <p>if i fall in love and if i meet the right one i want to feel it from the beginning! i don't want to have to say later "well... at the beginning we were looking at each other very reserved..."</p> <p>that's not my cup o tea...<br> definitely not.</p> <p>i'm excited (and should go to bed now! lots of work waiting for me tomorrow...) </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/09/27/late_night_talk~203185/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>phonelovesickexpectationsloverelationshipexcitedhttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/09/27/late_night_talk~203185/#commentshttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/09/26/strange~202807/tag:allmythoughts.blog.co.uk,2005-09-26:/2005/09/26/strange~202807/Mon, 26 Sep 2005 21:09:04 +0200 <p>don't know what's happening...</p> <p>am i running blindly into one of the bigger catastrophies?<br> got a couple of textmessages at work from that internet dating candidate girl...<br> i'm coming home and can only think of i need to call her.<br> i need to hear her voice right NOW!<br> so i did. i called her.<br> and again it was great. we can talk. without end if we wanted to.</p> <p>yesterday the very first five minutes on the phone were this awsome silence because we both didn't know what to talk about... and then it got off... talking for ages (don't want to see my phone bill if we go on like that...). it just doesn't feel like i just "met" her...</p> <p>and just now i put the phone away after we were talking because she mentioned that she needs to do some work (she's a teacher at a girls school) for tomorrow and that she will not stop talking with me and than wouldn't do the work... so there is a break...</p> <p>she will text me when finished work (according to her work yesterday that will be in about 1 hour)...<br> i told her i like that as i than have the chance to "talk her into her bed"... i know what you think... and i had to laugh afterwards as well... that happens if you try flirting in a language that is not your very own...</p> <p>anyway... she liked the idea.</p> <p>waiting...<br> waiting...</p> <p>or maybe i should put the kettle on.<br> could be a long night... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/09/26/strange~202807/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>datingphonetalkhttp://allmythoughts.blog.co.uk/2005/09/26/strange~202807/#comments